Lost
by petiteneko
Summary: Sasuke knew it was not safe to get lost in his emotions, and Kakashi wasn't exactly helping his case. Warnings inside. HIATUS
1. 00

First thing: If even a smidgen of Itasasu or Kakasasu upsets you, then go away now. I mean it. There is at least a smidgen of each in here.

Warnings: This is AR where Kakashi had showed up in time to stop Sasuke from running away (like he caught Sasuke just as Naruto fell to the ground) so Sasuke is in Konoha and is in Kakashi's care. There is smut, therefore rated M. Some sort of bondage... umm and that's all I can say for now... (except the previous bit a/b itasasu and kakasasu)

Disclaimer: I would not have thought of the ending of chapter 489, even with my creativity. Naruto belongs to Kishimoto.

All hail Kishimoto!

(and that comes from Code Geass)

* * *

Sometimes, Kakashi could be so annoying.

No, scratch that, he was _always_ annoying – it was only sometimes that the man was sweet. Living with the other—knowing, training, battling—it all built up to this conclusion. Sasuke never thought of his teacher this way before, he never fathomed the other sides that the jounin could have. Before, he only saw him as a stepping stone towards his preset plan.

Now, however, he thought many different things about the man. It didn't take long after his attempt at defecting for Sasuke to realize his affections for the older male. He knew that something was building between them before he left. A close friendship, a father-son relationship; but he never expected to stumble over a small crush. Falling in love was an entirely different feeling, though. Sasuke thought he would never fall and drown like he did in childhood. It only led to heartbreak and revenge, and he didn't want to do that to Kakashi.

The jounin would berate him for miniscule things, nag him, and – dare he think it – tease him. However, he didn't want to fall, and if he accepted the other's banters he knew he would do just that. As he ignored the man's playful harassment, it only intensified. It was even extended to the public eye. As he walked alone to Kakashi's house, he could feel his teacher's chakra presence. Occasionally, he would pop out of an alley or sneak up behind him. When the jounin began to mask his presence, the nagging finally got to him. Sometimes he would jump, or even blush, but it mostly consisted of scowls and not-so-playful punches.

In a few weeks following the ever-so-recent sport between them, he would take new paths. Today, he decided to follow a previous course he used in the past, and was too tired to fight it anyway. Things felt different, but perhaps it was due to his exhaustion – he couldn't sense any chakra, hear any footsteps, or see anybody, but he definitely _felt_ something. He wasn't willing to fight his emotions today, so he continued, wondering what the other had in store for him today. As Sasuke walked, he began to doubt his gut-feeling, because Kakashi usually bugged him by now. Even further down the road, he felt like fidgeting nervously. The following was unnerving today, the silence putting him far from at ease. Then a rock hit him in his lower back and he couldn't stop himself from twitching an eyebrow. The thought that only two people knew that pet peeve he has had since childhood calmed him down. No, it was more like the anxiety had fallen, but his excitement had increased. Their game had begun.

He wanted to draw the ex-ANBU out, desired to confront their playful banter directly. Glancing around, he saw the entrance to the Uchiha compound and smirked. It would definitely be empty so he turned in that direction, rewriting their scripted play.

As he walked around, the other made no appearance and, to keep the nonchalant play going, he walked to his house.

As Sasuke stepped into the shoe room, he felt a gloved hand cover his eyes and a familiar chakra spike behind him._ Well this is different._ However, when chakra enhanced words whispered past his ear, all logical thought process left him and he shuddered. _You can do that?_

"Change in plans _Sasuke_?" The voice was definitely Kakashi's, but something was different about the lax, casual tone he always heard.

_It must be because he surrounded it with chakra_. The reason made perfect sense. Hearing the words did something to him, it held him in place, but it wasn't as if he wanted to move anyway. Perhaps the grasp had something to do with the fact that they never went this far. He wasn't complaining.

"I thought you were ordered to return home."

The addicting, sultry voice never lifted up, and Sasuke felt like melting in the other's arms. The desire to return the banter was too strong to resist. "This _is_ my home." His words may have meant to be purely arrogant, but Sasuke couldn't block out the seduction that seeped into them.

"_Our_ home, not yours."

The laughter bubbled out of Sasuke, "Well she didn't specify which, did she?"

He felt clothed lips stretch against his ear. "No, I guess she didn't."

Their entire conversation was getting too heated too fast, and another shudder coursed through him. His mind was fogging, his tongue tied.

"Do I have you at a loss for words, Sasuke?" A deep chuckle vibrated across his ears and Sasuke swallowed.

As the hand that blocked his vision moved away, Sasuke tried to open his eyes. However, before the light could even reach his retinas, his Konoha headband fell down, covering his eyes yet again. Sasuke tried to remove the cloth but gloved hands captured his tightly. "I can't go and let you see my face can I?"

As much as Sasuke wanted to retort, he couldn't find the right words. His mind was too befuddled with the implications of that sentence. He also wanted to know the reason behind this sudden change of their play. Fearing if he didn't speak up, the man would leave, he asked, "Why are you doing this all of a sudden?"

"Wasn't it you who walked another path, Sasuke?" The teen swallowed and the other continued. "It seems to me that you are the one who is sick of these games."

Yes, he did and yes, he was, but he didn't want to admit that to the other, even if they already knew. If he spoke those words aloud, all attempts at protecting himself would be invalid. He didn't want to experience that pain again, that agony of loss. Love was something ninjas had to be wary of. Something forbidden to him.

"Why won't you admit the obvious, Sasuke? Maybe you need a little help?"

Sasuke felt a brief surge of chakra before he was turned around and pushed against a wall. He felt hands trapping his own and breath on his lips. He couldn't see, but, for some reason, it enhanced everything, made it magical. Each breath felt like a thousand, and the aura surrounding the other seemed to suffocate him. It seemed to radiate a sensation of lust. A foreign but familiar scent pervaded his lungs and he was drowning in it.

When the ex-ANBU spoke against his lips, his entire world spun.

"_This_ is what you want."

A swallow and then a nod. He didn't speak it, so it couldn't count could it?

Almost immediately following the action, Sasuke felt clothed lips pushing on his, roughly caressing them. His own lips responded instantly when he grasped _who_ he was kissing. The bottled feelings inside of him poured into his chest, pleasantly hurting it.

"Ah." Sasuke panted, "Down."

Coherence was once again lost and Sasuke didn't care if he would regain it anytime soon. The only thing he wanted was that mask down. He couldn't see anyway. However, his words seemed to be misunderstood and the lips – not the mask – moved down. The growl forming in his throat morphed into a moan as the lips moved across his neck. "Mph! Ah! Down! Not th–ah!" The genin squirmed beneath the other's touch, wanted more of those lips, but at the same time he wanted that dreaded mask off. When an idea dawned on him, he knew he had to act quickly before he forgot. "U-Up!" He felt those lips back on his, and before he got too lost in the moment, he moved away, hooking his teeth on the fabric. It was too late as the other pulled away and Sasuke tugged the mask off, hearing a slight rip in the process. He pulled the man closer with the removed fabric and he came without resistance.

"K–" Sasuke's lips were sealed by the other before he could speak further, and the word was lost before he could even remember that he spoke something. Feeling those fleshy lips on his evoked emotions and sensations he couldn't dream of. How he wanted to grasp that hair and pull the man even closer, but his hands were still bound by the larger gloved ones. He squirmed to set them free and those lips parted briefly to say,

"Shh, it's only just beginning."

Sasuke stilled and the mouth was back on his almost immediately. He pushed forward in response. A single hand let go, but one still remained and held his two against the wall tightly. The hand that left found its way under his shirt, lifting the fabric as it crept across his skin. Their lips resumed the hectic dance and then Sasuke felt a tongue prying into his mouth, and he didn't dare resist. His nipple was pinched as that tongue penetrated his mouth. A scream of nameless pleasure was let loose and he heard the other chuckle.

"It just gets better than this, Sasuke."

_Better? How could it be–_ His thoughts were cut off as that tongue thrust back into his mouth and the hand continued to rub at erogenous zones. He was certain he was getting hard now – if he wasn't already. Just _imagining_ how that gloved hand touched his body was amazing, but now… Sasuke moaned into the mouth and then the other pulled away. A whine left his throat, but it just provoked another chuckle. No words were said, but his shirt was being removed with the one hand. He was careful around the headband and it didn't move. However, Sasuke noticed that he didn't pull it off entirely. In fact, it was tied around his wrists before a _thud_ was heard. Both of the other's hands were free now and as Sasuke tried to move, he found his arms were pinned to the wall.

"You put a kunai through my shirt?!" The words sounded offended and appalled. Sasuke really didn't care, though, because if he had to exchange a shirt for Kakashi's body he would gladly do it.

"Why would you want that thing? It prevents me from doing _this_." Instead of that tongue going inside of his mouth, the ex-ANBU swirled it around his still-unstimulated nipple. The gloved hands rested on his hips, thumbs too close yet too far.

"Ah! AH! Ka–" Again, that mouth stopped him from moaning out the name. It made Sasuke wonder why that was; didn't people like that? However, as the other's thumbs dipped past his waistband, that thought all but abandoned him.

"Mmph! Nn!" Sasuke moaned and writhed impatiently. Were they going to do this against the wall? Was he light enough to be held up?

"_Sasuke_." He heard the other say, moving away briefly again. That _tone_. Sasuke didn't know if chakra tainted those words anymore, but it did its wonders regardless.

"Ah! M–" He was cut off again, but he was caring less and less. It gained him a luscious tongue in his mouth, that plush skin against his lips.

Then his pants and underwear began to slide down his hips. It was tantalizing! He couldn't see the other, but they had a complete view of his nude body, glistening with sweat. He wanted to touch that body that was touching him, wanted to feel the muscles ripple beneath his fingertips, but his hands were bound. The cloth and kunai held them against the wall.

When he felt his shorts reach his ankles, He had to awkwardly step out of them with his shoes still on his feet. Then he felt the touch. The leather was stripped from the hands and long fingers caressed him. Something seemed off, but that touch distracted him from that inkling. He moaned loudly in the other's mouth as his hips arced forward. The man was so _talented_. He wanted more. More!

In a split second, those lips caressed his ear. "You want more, don't you, Sasuke?" A quick squeeze to his member pointed out that fact and the other set of appendages fondled his lips. "Lubricate them thoroughly," a chuckle tickled his ear, "it's your ass after all."

Sasuke opened his lips wide and moved towards the digits. He took them into his mouth and sucked on them, moving back and forth. If the headband wasn't in the way, and his hands were unleashed, the scene would definitely look far more erotic. His hands desired to hold that wrist and his eyes were closed sensually. It didn't help his expression as the other continued to stroke his erect cock all the while either. Next, his tongue slipped between the fingers, twining around them. He heard the other groan and he gave an especially hard suck. The fingers left his mouth, saliva coating them.

"Now this will feel uncomfortable at first."

Again, an eerie sensation triggered inside him. The statement felt too short, but the hand on his erection, the mouth approaching his own, and the _other_ fingers' promise distracted him once more. He gave into the pleasure and groaned as a slightly cooler digit caressed his entrance.

"Shh…" The hushed sound was said into his mouth and then a finger entered.

A grimace formed on the teen's face, automatically clenching his lower muscles on the single digit.

"Relax. You don't want to be torn do you?"

Sasuke nodded weakly at the words before he felt those lips caress his again. He forced his lower muscles to relax, feeling small circles being traced on his hip by a dry finger. "Ah…," The teen breathed, trying to lose himself in the pleasure. It was easy; the ex-ANBU was excellent at that.

Eventually the discomfort dulled, but then the second finger entered. _If he entered beforehand…_ Sasuke thought, unintentionally moving his hips. A jolt of pleasure unexpectedly surged through him, his buttocks clenching, and his head hit the wall as his body arced. "FUCK!"

"Imagine a pressure even greater than _this,_ Sasuke." As the other spoke the word 'this' an even greater spark of pleasure flowed through the genin.

"Kak–" His lips were sealed again, and those fingers continued to move and jab before a third was added. He wanted more, he wanted the other man's sex to enter him, fill him, _feel_ him. _God_ did he ever want it.

Soon the fingers, hands, and lips were removed and he heard spitting before hands rubbed together. _Ziip._ Sasuke's heart pounded in his ribcage. He would get what he denied himself for so long (or what seemed to be) – that cock inside of him.

"Lift your legs."

Sasuke obeyed immediately, his dripping sex evidence of his desires. Still slightly wet hands grasped his thighs and wrapped them around their waist. That was when he felt a thick head lightly pressing against his orifice, his back against the wall.

"Ready?"

The teen nodded vigorously and relaxed his muscles. He felt his entrance widening, the head pushing into him, but it just seemed to take _so_ long. He wanted to swallow it up right now! Using the kunai-ed shirt for leverage, Sasuke pulled himself up and released his muscles, and _finally_ sheathed the member.

"AH!" Sasuke moaned in half-pain, half-pleasure. He wanted it again, and pulled himself up, using gravity to propel his descent. "FUCK!" A third time. He was met with an equal force, hitting his prostate right on.

The sound of cloth ripping was muted by an unbroken scream, "Kakashi!" Sasuke saw white, heat coursing out of him, and his arms fell beside him, tired from the uncomfortable position and recent excursions. Then, he realized a maniacal laughter that sounded _too familiar_, a headband falling, and he immediately opened his eyes.

His whole world dropped. Shame, anger, hatred all awoke in him and the other tried to blind him with another well-placed thrust. That only disgusted him even more than he was quickly becoming.

It was Itachi!

All of the oddities seemed to make sense now: the too thin fingers, the short and anonymous phrases, the lack of confession, the seductiveness and corrosiveness, and especially the blinding and bonding. The man – his brother – fooled him, purposely tricked him with a mask, gloves and a changed voice. He felt another sick thrust inside of him and the laughter resounded.

"I thought you wanted this, Sasuke."

_Not with you! I wanted this with Kakashi!_ How Sasuke wanted to shout those words out, but his conscience still denied him that – even with a still-hard member throbbing deep in him. His brain didn't even censor his thoughts either, as a deeply buried, forbidden thought echoed.

_You killed your chances when you killed __**them**__._

No! That thought wasn't his! It wasn't the truth! He was a child! His brother was _raping_ him! He didn't want this, no part of him did!

"You _insisted_ to pound on me after all."

Sasuke held his head with his sore arms. No! No! He urged but no words came out. He didn't… He didn't… He clenched his eyes shut – only to realize they already were.

One of the hands that were holding him up moved but he didn't slip, now noticing that his legs were tightly wrapped around his brother. He tried to unlock his hinged ankles, but they wouldn't move.

"You couldn't get enough of these." The free hand grasped his cheeks and _Itachi_ forced his tongue into Sasuke's mouth to define. Sasuke didn't miss those unspoken words either.

_Even as a child._

Yes, the seven year old Sasuke made out with his older brother. However, they never went further than that. In fact, he never went _this_ far with anybody. Sarcastic laughter vibrated in both their mouths.

_Funny that my first time is with the man I want to kill._

Itachi thrust into him again, the pleasure blossoming and sickening the teen. _Stop it! I'm over him! He killed everybody I loved – and maybe he did it again!_ However, when he opened his eyes to Itachi's impassioned face, the teenager from his childhood returned. The one who didn't kill his parents, the one who didn't shatter his heart. His Nii-san. Another thrust skewed his mind, clicking it back into his memories. He tilted his head back, breaking their kiss. "Nii-san!"

---

When Sasuke awoke, he was in his bed and realized he wasn't at Kakashi's. Next came the facts that he was dressed and showered. (Both occasions not at all triggering any memories.) Finally, the truth hit him like a ton of bricks. The last day's events replayed in his mind: The D-rank mission, reporting to Tsunade, being followed by Kaka – no, _Itachi_, then…. then…

Sasuke screamed.

* * *

Yeah. I hope I brain fucked you all.


	2. 01

Okay some explanation time. This IS kakasasu, though it originated with my twisted desire to mix itasasu and kakasasu together and turned out like THAT. If you look at the themes, it's fairly obvious where this is going. hat was orignally going to stand as it's own, but I realized that it would give away the suspense if I did because I would have to make Itachi the main character. Instead, I'm going to put them together and the actual plot starts here. It's also changed perspectives, because I find it better to write it in Kakashi's. Sadly, smut is probably not going to show up for a bit.  
So further warnings for the story: Rapevictim!Sasuke, somewhat oblivious!Kakashi (because it would ruin all the fun if he knew right away) past itasasu, kakasasu angst, probably going to be tons of fluff... and we'll see what else comes up XD

I can't apologize for the mind fuck if it happened. I'm sorry, but I can't. It was far to fun to mess with minds! fufufu...

* * *

When Kakashi arrived home, he had a slight bit of worry. Jiraiya had finally managed to convince Naruto to go with him and so the blond decided to throw a going-away-party. Sasuke hadn't desired to go, seeing as he and Naruto's relationship wasn't the same after their battle. So Kakashi let him report to Tsunade while he departed a little after. When he had found the house locked and empty, he immediately was concerned for Sasuke. Even though the teen was still upset with Kakashi for stopping him, the jounin believed that Sasuke would still stay. It was the way that Sasuke acted around him, the way they bantered back and fourth that convinced him. Kakashi didn't want to doubt that, so he waited another hour. Perhaps Sasuke wanted some time alone, perhaps Tsunade kept him late. However, as that hour ticked by, the worry began to build. Kakashi left the house, locking it behind him as he jumped over to the Hokage tower. When he arrived, a couple of ANBU were dispatched immediately, leaving the two alone. The woman scolded him and Kakashi didn't justify his actions. He had let his emotions get in the way, he had trusted somebody who had attempted to defect before.

"May I also look Tsunade?" When the woman allowed him to go with orders not to leave the village, Kakashi started immediately. His first instinct was to go to the Uchiha compound, and Sasuke's house. When he did, he could smell nothing except the remnants of the massacre years ago, he could see nothing except closed doors and dark rooms, and he could sense only the crickets and stay animals. Sasuke may have been a genius, but the boy couldn't mask his presence _this_ well.

As he neared the main house, nothing unusual surrounded the area, so he sighed and turned around. Sasuke had other places he could go, he couldn't waste time here.

In the morning, they couldn't find the teen anywhere in the town. Guilt began to overwhelm Kakashi, and deep down he could feel a wound forming. He really thought their unusual relationship was enough to keep Sasuke here. Even though the search was relatively done, Kakashi returned to the Uchiha compound. He wanted to believe Sasuke was still there, and he wanted to check if Sasuke had left anything if he indeed left. He approached the house and opened the door, surprised at what he saw.

Sasuke had his hand prepared to open the door, a backpack on, and dripping wet hair. His skin also looked slightly red, but Kakashi wouldn't admit he was looking. At the apparent preparation to leave, anger overcame Kakashi and he slammed Sasuke against the wall. The stringent scent of bleach filled his nostrils as he entered the room before he detected the fear in Sasuke's eyes. The teen's lips were moving, but silently and his entire body was tensing. Then his eyes closed and determination seemed to fill him.

"Get… away from me." The deadly emotion seemed to be held back before Sasuke opened his eyes, the Sharingan flaring to life and he screamed. "Get away from me!" The teen pushed at Kakashi's chest and Kakashi complied.

"Sasuke?"

"Don't touch me! Don't you **dare** touch me!"

Hearing the angry words, Kakashi had to ask, "What's wrong Sasuke?" The teen seemed to have changed overnight and the result was a scared child – one who was capable of murder. Sasuke was dangerous right now, and he had to handle the situation very carefully.

The Sharingan did not fade from his eyes, but the threat seemed to ebb. Sasuke appeared to be contemplating something, but Kakashi had no idea what about.

"Can we move to the living room please?" This voice was sad, broken almost.

Kakashi nodded.

"So let me get this straight, Itachi follow you and you thought it was me. Then you lured him to your house to provoke me and he came out and tortured you with the Mangekyou Sharingan, and that's why you didn't show up at my house?"

The young Uchiha nodded weakly.

_There must be something more to this story but I can't push him. He's too edgy._ The jounin let out a sigh. _Well this wasn't exactly the confession I was expecting…_ "And that reignited your desire to leave the village?" He purposely ensured the skepticism was obvious in the words.

Sasuke feebly glared at Kakashi, "And you stopped me yet again." Oh yes, Sasuke was angry at him.

"Indeed I have." The joking mannerism was back again before he felt the glare intensify. "We need to report to Tsunade, she believes you to have run off again. Oh and I would put that pack down, she wouldn't like it if you were _actually_ planning to run off again."


End file.
